


Frat boy man whore.

by orphan_account



Category: Ancient History RPF, Classical Greece and Rome History & Literature RPF, Dead Romans Society (Webcomic)
Genre: Crack, Drunk Cicero, Hogwarts AU, M/M, References to Drugs, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 22:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4117207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cicero and Antony are mortal enemies in Hogwarts (if one can have mortal enemies when they are seventeen).  Cicero is a jerk and Antony is a jock, there's sexual tension and bros being bros.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frat boy man whore.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crack ship. In no way I ship CiceTony, I despise it! But I'm doing it for the Vine, because my friend @ dargil in Tumblr wanted to. Enjoy the OOC.

**17 th June.**

The summer had finally arrived and all Hogwarts students got into the Hogwarts Express. Cicero sat in the same compartiment as always with his best friend Atticus and, somehow, with Catullus, Ovid, and Vergil.

Like him, Catullus was muggleborn. He was holding a cage with a sparrow inside on his knees and the damn bird made the compartiment smell like shit, but only Cicero seemed to mind.

Atticus felt asleep after an hour – How? wondered Cicero, who was tired of listening to Catullus speak about his crush and how he wouldn't be able to see her during the whole summer. He didn't mind the love affairs of his friend but he shared Ovid's opinion and thought that girl wasn't good for him.

“A Hufflepuff and a Slytherin can't get along” said Ovid.

“Well! You are a Slytherin too” answered Catullus, winking an eye.

“It's not the same. I'm not a bitch”

Vergil was listening to the whole conversation with a smile but he pretended to pay attention to the scenery that could be seen through the window.

At lunch hour, the Lady of the Trolley arrived and everyone hurried to buy something to eat. Ovid and Virgil took advantage and went to pee. Catullu's approached to the trolley.

“Do you still have Chocolate Trolls?” he asked.

“No, sorry dear-”

“We bough them all” said a voice.

Catullus shruged and bought a bag of Jelly Bugs and entered the compartiment. The owner of said voice, plus another guy, followed Catullus and sat on Vergil's place.

“Oh gods”

“Hey nerd, aren't you happy to see me?” said Antony, sprawling on the seat.

Marcus Antonius was the mortal enemy of Cicero, if one could have a mortal enemy being seventeen years old. He was in Gryffindor – a house full of brains who only think of getting laid and Quidditch, in Cicero's opinion –, a beater in his team together with his friend Curio, half-blood and the official frat boy man whore of Hogwarts. They couldn't be more different. Until his sixth year, they practically ignored each other, but Antony had become obsessed with him this year that just ended.

“I refuse to exchange two words with you, Antonius”

“Bruh, don't call me Antonius, I'm not my father, good ol' Creticus. I'm Antony.”

“And you exchanged nine words with him” added Curio with a silly laugh. Cicero rolled his eyes.

“We had a good year, right, friend?”

“Shut up”

Atticus opened his eyes – he had been awoken since Antony entered. It was impossible to sleep with that boy yelling every word.

“Marcus, your modals”

“This dickhead doesn't deserve that I speak well of him”

Antony nodded and clapped his hands once. “I know I know. It has come to my ears that you don't talk to me very well in the Ravenclaw's common room” Antony stood up and Cicero took out his wand.

“Sh, dude, don't be aggresive” said the Gryffindor, showing his hands. “I'm leaving”

“Yeah, better leave”

Antony ducked and patted Cicero's cheek.

“See you 1st September, Cheech”.

“Bye, Antony” waved Catullus with his mouth full of candy.

As they left, Vergil and Ovid came back and Ovid stared to Antony as he left down the corridor.

“What did just happen?”

“That douche came to bother me. I swear to the gods...”

“I don't understand this obsession you have with each other, Marcus. He is a jock but that doesn't mean you can't be friends”

“Me? Friends with a prick? Are you insane, Atticus? I rather eat dinner next to Catiline than that”

“I think he is...funny” whispered Vergil.

“Wow, we can't deal with such eloquence, calm your tits, Vergil” joked Ovid. He knew his friend was very shy and didn't speak his mouth often. “Where's Dante, by the way?”

The Ravenclaw scratched his arm, nervous. “He is sharing the compartiment with Beatrice”

“You better worry if you don't want her to steal your boyfriend”. Bur Virgil just sighed and watched the scenery again.

“I agree with Vergil. I like Antony too” spoke Catullus, who has finished eating.

“You like his butt, because let's be honest, if I were gay, with I'm totally not, I'd love to be pushed againt a wall and-”

“Shut up!” yelled Cicero, getting as red as a tomato. He wasn't the only one flustered.

Ovid stood. “Are you telling me that guy isn't hot?”

Cicero frowned. “He’s very handsome. I can’t deny that.”

“Then what?”

“Have you seen how he is dressed? We just left Hogwarts and he had already changed his clothes to that ugly tank tops and shorts...”

“What a nice ass” Ovid whispered to Catullus and the other assented.

“The point is that he is so arrogant and vulgar...”

“And what's the problem? Not everyone can have the same personality. “For example, Clodia is-”

“Whatever” and Cicero crossed his arms.

* * *

 

** 1 st September. **

Cicero hugged Atticus tightly when they met at King Cross'.

“I missed you greatly, friend. Writing letters is not enough for me”

“I don't even know how you manage to write a letter a day – and make me do it”

They chatted for a while until a tall blonde boy and a shorter one dressed in red approached.

“Hello everyone” greeted Dante, holding Vergil's hand. Atticus and Cicero noticed and looked at each other. Vergil looked away.

“How do you manage to stay so pale after a whole summer, Cicero?”

“I don't go out often.”

“Well, you should. This summer we've been in south Italy”

“We?”

“Yes. Vergil spends summers with his grandparents as you know, and, well, I was invited. And I got bronzed. Although Vergil...”

“It's not in my genes to have a dark skin”

Horace sneaked behind Vergil and touched his back and yelled “WOO!” to scared him. Everyone hugged him.

“Bloody hell, it's been so long, friends. I've been half of the summer with these two, but I couldn't live with so much fluffiness so I have been hanging out with Maecenas, Octavian and Agrippa”

“They are sixth year, right?”

“Yes. I'm going to greet them”

Horace left the group and they all watched how he approached another group not far from them, made by Octavian, who happened to be be full of freckles after the summer, Maecenas who didn't let Horace go and hugged him... and two hunks. Once was Agrippa, Octavian's boyfriend, muggleborn and Hufflepuff (it was a scandal, apparently, being Octavian pureblood and Slytherin). The other hunk was...Antony. He had a perfect tan and he was still wearing sunglasses – probably he is hungover, opined Cicero.

Horace greeted Antony politely and this whispered something to the shorter one's ear. When Horace came back, they started looking for Catullus, who was always the latest.

“There he is” said Virgil, who could look above everyone's heads.

Catullus was next to a girl, holding her hands in his and talking so fast that neither himself could understand what he is saying. Clodia, recognised Cicero. And his brother was next to her, holding all the baggages.

“Dump this loser already and let's go!” he yelled.

“Oh, Clodia, I have spent an horrible summer without you. Even my sparrow missed you! You look so beautiful with that tan and your new haircut...”

The girl, exasperated, cupped Catullus hair and kissed him and left him without a word. The boy rushed to hug his friends and laughed nervously. “Did you see her? Isn't she beautiful! And she kissed me. Oh, how I missed her lips and her perfume and-”

“And her insults” added Ovid.

“It's a price one must pay.”

“What did that asshole whisper you?”

Horace smiled as if he knew he was going to be asked that.

“Well. He thanked me for the poems I lent him”

“And?”

“Aaand he said it was a pity they didn't work. He was going to give them to his now ex girlfriend, Fulvia-”

“Fulvia, the same one who dated his friends Curio and Clodius?”

“Yes. Anyway, she didn't like them, the bitch. But at least he thanked me for help”

“I didn't think that jerk could be polite”

“It seems as he can” said Ovid with his arms crossed. “Can you, _Cheech_?”

“With him? Never”

“Then he is the one who will win this battle!” Dante remarked.

* * *

 

**2th October**.

Autumn came soon and Cicero headed quickly to the library. He was meeting there with Octavian to help him with History of Magic, carrying ten big books.

_**NYOOOOM**_. Three wizards flew above them (inside the castle!) and made him drop all his books, one of them on his feet, making him yell of pain. Practically everyone around laughed of him and he cursed his existence.

One of the wizards came back and got off his broom. It was Antony, smiling – with that perfect smile of him – and leant on the wall.

“In trouble, Cheech?”

“Do you take pleasure in my disgrace, Antonius?” He kneeled to pick his books.

“No, I'm not like others” He had a glance around and saw all the people laughing at Cicero. “Instead, I'm going to be good. I'm helping you”

“And pigs can fly.”

“You haven't been paying attention in Charms class, it seems?”

“Ha ha”

“Stay there”

“No-”

“Stay. There.” said Antony, pushing Cicero aside.

“Fuck”

Antony winked and took his wand out. A huge one. “Locomotor!” he yelled, moving his wand gracefully. All the books started floating and they followed Antony wherever he moved to. Cicero followed, frowning intensely.

“What the hell, Antonius?”

“Antony.” he remarked. “You have to stop using your muggle ways to do things, _Cheech_ ”

“You are half muggle”

“Whatever, little nerd. Where are we heading?”

“ _Where are you going?_ ”

“I'm going to help you with these books, bruh. Library, am I right?”

Cicero nodded, more confused than ever. And ashamed.

Two wizards, Clodius and Curio, flew and landed in front of Antony.

“What the fuck are you doing, bro?”

“I'm going to the library, don't worry bro”

“We have to train!”

“I'll be there in ten minutes. Tell Caesar to not get angry or his hail will fall”

“Whatever, bro.” They left.

“Scum” muttered Cicero.

“You're welcome!”

They didn't speak on their way to the library. Cicero walked behind Antony, trying to analise him. What was going on?

Antony was sweaty, but he didn't smell like when one does a sport. His wavy hair was messy but it didn't look bad. As he had said before the summer, he had to admit he was handsome. Some are born with luck, he guessed. He, instead, had a huge nose and was destined to be bald. And he wasn't very in shape either. Antony on the other side...

When they arrived to the library, Octavian was looking himself in a mirror, fixing his blonde hair. He was a bit messy and flustered. Cicero had an intuition and saw how Antony looked calm but his nostrils widened. Octavian approached with a mischievous face and took half of the books. “Hi” he said to Antony. The older guy petted his hair and left without a word.

“Do you know that dick?”

“Of course I know that dick”

That sounded bad.

* * *

 

**31** **th** **October**.

Halloween had arrived and during the afternoon, there was a Quidditch match. They had erased that old rule of House against house, and instead, students could have their own teams with whichever members they wanted. The team that everyone expected to win was Caesar's, who was the captain and the keeper of the team. Curio and Antony were beaters, obviously. Octavian was the seeker, and Lepidus, Pompey and Agrippa were the chasers. A guy named Trebonius and Clodius also were part of the team but they didn't play, as well as Crassus, who ate too much last night.

The other team was composed by Brutus as the captain and the keeper, Cassius and Casca as the beaters, Decimus, Brutus' cousin, was a chaser, and Horace himself played too!

Cicero spent the whole afternoon sitting in the Ravenclaw tribune, next to Vergil and...Maecenas. He was an extravagant friend of Horace and Vergil who belonged in Slytherin. He managed to create a magical flag, which he waved enthusiastically, and each minute the picture in it changed. In the flag, Octavian appeared waving and smiling, Agrippa flying with a serious face (he thought in the future he wated to join a professional Quidditch team), or Horace, doing pirouettes on the top of his broom. He cheered his friends excitedly too. Cicero thought he had taken speed.

Caesar's team won, as everyone expected. They organised a big costume party to celebrate the victory on the third floor, in the  Room of Requirements.

As they left the stadium, Cicero saw the winner team on the field, celebrating. They had taken off his robes and t-shirts and wore only the pants. They were howling like wolves. Someone had brought beer and they had started drinking it.

“If they are like that now, I can't imagine tonight” he said to Vergil, who stared at them, wondering if Dante would do the same when he played with his team.

Soon after dinner they all left for the Requirement Room. Milo, a huge guy from Slytherin, guarded inside the room, next to the door. Inside, there were flashing lights and music coming from an actual computer – Ravenclaws had managed to make electricity work somehow. But the music? From the moment they arrived, a lot of remixes and hip hop. “Fuck boys...” he said. He looked for his friends. Catullus was dancing with such  _ hype _ ... with Ovid. They didn't really know how to, but it was funny to see him.

“I need a drink”

He found Atticus next to the food. “The night is going to be long, friend”

After an hour, Atticus had left Cicero because a girl called for his attention, grabbing his tie and leading him to some corner. Catullus was bothering Clodia and Ovid was flirting with another one. Agrippa was sitting stiff near Cicero, and Octavian tried to convince him to dance. “When they play a slow one” he always promised.

Cicero, having drunk four glasses of wine, took some glass half empty who smelled like...rum? He drank it.

He saw Antony, although he was feeling dizzy. He and his friends were the only one who got themselves a costume, all the same one: Like waiters. But special waiters, because they only wore a black tie, black boxers and a wristband. And for the LOL, they used  _ guyliner _ . Antony concretely have been dragging attention to himself the whole night. For God's sake, it's obvious, pondered Cicero.

He thought Antony was walking towards him, leaving a tail of dissapointed girls and upset boys who didn't stand a chance with the guy. When Antony stood in front of Cicero and took a sip of his drink, Cicero could discern that that thing that was in front of his eyes were Antony's pectorals.

“Having a good time, Cheech?”

“You wish...”

“You are drunk already? Ah, I miss those times when I could be drunk so easily”

“Fuck yourself”

“Later, maybe.”

“Your music taste sucks”

“When I'm not here I spend a lot of my time in muggle locals. And look, everyone likes it”

“Fuck boys music...You look like a harlot, by the way”

“I like to make people happy. I am very dumb, as you say, but I have other atributes”

“Where are your friends?”

He pointed somewhere. Clodia was making out with a guy and Catullus was crying leaning on Ovid's arms. Atticus had dissapeared from the scene (my best friend...abandoned me...). Horace hadn't turned up and Dante and Vergil didn't bother to attend the party...

Cicero giggled at Cicero's crazy eyes. “Dude, you're so wasted. I'm going to smoke a cigarrette and, en passant, you'll breathe some fresh air. I don't want anyone having an ethyl coma in my party. I don't want to get my hands dirty”

Antony drapped one of his arms around Cicero – and the drunkard could feel that Antony's godlike body was like a heater. Why on earth did he think of the word godlike. Antonius is a trashbag, he convinced himself.

They managed to sneak through the Castle without any teacher seeing them. “Is there even control in this school?”

Cicero tripped and he wished he didn't see and hear what he did. Octavian and Agrippa were doing the do in a corner. Cicero's crazy eyes didn't look away but Antony pushed him and soon left the castle and sat on the grass.

“You know, a Hufflepuff can't go into the Slytherin's room. That's why they have to do it outside” he admited with a joint on his lips.

“You...know by experience” said Cicero, dragging his words.

“Of course” He chuckled. “Clodius sneaked into the Slytherin girls' room once, dressed as a girl, and made out with Caesar's girlfriend then. Gods, that was hilarious” He let the smoke leave his mouth, doing circles in the air. Eventually, he blew the smoke to poor Cicero, who had laid on the grass.

“How on earth are you outside in November and...naked”

“I'm hot”

“Yeah”

Antony raised his eyebrows. “Did you just say I'm hot?”

“No, impossible”

“Admit it, Cheech. I won't get mad. There's Antony for everyone, bro!”

“Fuck you”

“Okay”

Cicero sat straight. “Gimme that joint. If I become a depravated, let all the vices come to me in the same night”

“Your grammar is starting to suck, bruh. Anyway” He gave the joing to Cicero, who passed him back immediately, coughing.

“That was like an indirect kiss, Cheech. Did you like it?” he said, laying beside Cicero, who had laid again.

“Bullshit” he said as he closed his eyes. Drugs, why drugs? He didn't feel like himself. “This party is...not fine. My body is burning and had gotten drunk and took drugs?”

“Yeah, that's not so Cheech. Do you feel better now?”

“But inside...”

“Filthy, eh?”

Antony knew it was bad to kiss without consent to a person that detested him and that had taken drugs and alcohol. But he had never been more curious. He leaned and cornered Cicero's body between he ground and his body, with his arms as barrier.

“What the hell...”

He bent his head and before Cicero could react with the strengh of a drunk teenager boy, he kissed him. It was a possesive burning kiss who tasted of rum, whisky and God knows what else. Antony put his hands on Cicero's cheeks and guided the kiss, moving his tongue wildly.

Cicero was shocked. He didn't want to answer, this was a violation of his rights! But had he ever been kissed like that before? And most importantly, was there a more skilled master than Mark Antony, the man whore of the school? So, he decided to kiss back. The next day he would kill himself.

Antony was so possesive that he didn't have the space to move. But Antony started going slowler and he was given space and, somehow, managed to move his lips and his tongue.

He needed a break to breathe! Cicero put his hands on Antony's arching back. He would swear Antony was on fire.

He decided he was going to faint when he felt something in Antony's boxers and he touched Antony's chest. The boy distanced a bit.

“Okay, okay. O...kay...” said Cicero, after two minutes of silence.

Antony lighted another cigarrette and offered another to Cicero. He said no.

**2 days before...**

Curio and Antony were taking a shower after the training. And, as normal teenagers, they got deep.

“Bro, do you think Cicero is hot?”

“Shit, you are high”

“No, I'm serious. Like, his nose is so strange it's almost attractive. And he is so pale and if he worked out, he would be ripped like Agrippa”

“I guess, but I wouldn't tap that. Even if you see him fuckable, he hates you! And you don't have much appreciation for him, homie”

“I've been watching him. The man is intelligent and if he is so skilled when speaking, imagine how good he is at oral! I need to know that”

“You know I'm good at oral too but I can't say two words well”

“Let's forget about 4th year, dude. You know, hate sex is the best. Fulvia?”

“Whatever, man. Fuck him and make him smile for once”

“I'll try, bro.”

“Brofist?”

And they bumped their fists while completely naked.

* * *

 

** 10 th December. **

Every now and then, they had made out and smoked cigarrettes. That last part wasn't Cicero's favourite, but Antony...he was another thing. He still hated his arrogancy – although he was no better. And his fuck boy attitude. But he blinded his eyes to all that when they were alone.

* * *

 

** 20 th December. **

Before they went back home, Antony had promised to give him a gift, smiling mischievously. And they had sex. Cicero couldn't sit straight for five days but, shit, it was the worthiest thing he had done. He regretted it when Antony left him alone, everytime. And regretted smoking and kissing. And not being straight. He thought he had a crush on a girl of Slytherin.

* * *

 

**3th March.**

Antony started dating a girl named Cleopatra.

“Sorry, Cheech. We had fun. But you are free! You can call me the worst things and not being sad”

“I will, don't worry”

He didn't hate him for treating him as before. A nerd, Cheech. Everything was normal again.

* * *

 

**20 years later.**

“Dear Atticus. I'm sorry to bring this back, but do you remember what happened in my last year of Hogwarts? I am regretting not getting addicted to being a depravated. My wife ignores me! Ah. On the other hand, I am happy I got over those toxic months and were able to become a politician and be Minister of Magic. Only for a year, I know. But I did many things! That dickhead of Mark Antony who kisses Caesar's ass thinks he will be minister after Caesar. If it is in my hands, that won't happen. Writing politic propaganda is my thing. I miss you.

Marcus Tullius Cicero.

 


End file.
